When someone asks us “Are we having fun yet?” it’s generally said with a sarcastic tone during a time when we are struggling or facing some sort of challenges. But I am not being facetious here. I am asking you this question in all seriousness. “Are we having fun yet?”

As kids and teens are returning to school, emotions are running high. From anxiety to frustration to feelings of uncertainty, students and parents alike are experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. Whether going back to classroom learning in a brick and mortar school building, at home through virtual school, or a combination of remote and in-person learning, education is looking and feeling different than the "before times" of the COVID-19 pandemic.

On March 3, 2020, I stood on the stage of the Ciccone Theater on the campus of Bergen Community College in Paramus, New Jersey and delivered a TEDx talk entitled “A Compassionate Approach to Building Resilience.” Little did I know that later that week, the College would shut down to become a COVID-19 testing site.

I’m worried about our kids and teens. Listening to stories from parents I’ve spoken to recently, it seems to me that our children are more anxious than ever before. They don’t feel safe. They’re afraid to go to school. It’s more important than ever to listen to our kids. To build empathy. And to practice compassion.

Living through this tumultuous hurricane season has reminded me, once again, that one of our primary responsibilities as parents is to help our children feel safe. That’s easy to do when we feel safe ourselves. But when we feel vulnerable in any way, such as when we are faced with a natural disaster such as a hurricane, it is often difficult for us to assure our children…

Does your child appear quiet and withdrawn? Prefers to eat dinner in his or her room rather than joining the family at the table? You may be parenting a “Water Child.”

Is your child rigid and stuck in his or her routine? Have trouble going with the flow when things don’t go as expected? You may be parenting a “Metal Child.”

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Does your child tend to procrastinate when trying to get his or her homework done? Is s/he often worried, distracted, or becomes indecisive when stressed? You may be parenting an “Earth Child.”

Is your child the “class clown”? Having trouble controlling his or her impulsive behavior? Acts silly until everyone is laughing? You may be parenting a “Fire Child.”

Is your child in constant motion? Does s/he have trouble sitting still in class? Easily frustrated at home? You may be parenting a “Wood Child.”

Have you ever noticed how many shout-outs to moms and dads there are in winners’ acceptance speeches at award shows like the Oscars and Tonys? Often when we reflect on our accomplishments we recognize and appreciate our parents for believing in us, and for really getting to know our nature, strengths, and passions, and for supporting us in becoming our best selves.

If you ask any parent what they want for their children, they’ll most likely tell you they want them to be happy and successful. More specifically, they will say they want them to get "good grades,” become “star athletes,” “get along” with their siblings, and to “grow up to get a good job and have a happy marriage.” As a student and practitioner of positive psychology, I think what we really want for our children goes beyond happiness and success — it means we want them to flourish in every way — at home, at school, in life.

It’s approaching the end of October. (In some places) the air is cooler, the leaves have changed colors and are falling off the trees. Notebooks have lost their fresh clean smell, pencils are beginning to dull and students’ report cards and progress reports are coming home. By now, most parents have met with their children’s teachers, attended back to school night, and after school routines are fully in swing. Once Halloween comes, the frantic rhythm of the holiday season doesn’t slow down until after the new year.

By now you’re probably poised for "Back to School." Backpack? Check √. School supplies? Check √. Lunch box? Check √. Positive attitude? Check √ Check √ Check √. But how long will it take for that positive attitude to wear off? For your focus to shift to the negatives, the problems, the feeling that it's all just a grind? Don't worry, the issues will crop up, and you will have to deal with them, but there are some things you can make part of your routine that help you and your kids focus on the positives throughout the school year. One way to keep up a positive "Back to School" attitude is through practicing gratitude, appreciation, and finding "3 good things."

I know what you’re thinking. “Why is she talking about midsummer when school is starting soon? It’s already August!” I know. The stores are having back-to-school sales on clothes and school supplies. And some of us really do start school in August (I just read a friend’s Facebook post that said her son starts school again this week!). That’s the reality. But, I want to give you some perspective, along with a little “positivity boost,” inspired by a dream I had just a couple of weeks ago when the calendar still read “July.”

How often are we inspired to experience awe? Not just when we say "awww" when we see a cute kitten, hold a cuddly puppy or hear the adorable coos of a happy baby. The times we feel that intense emotion that's real awe -- when we get goosebumps or feel that special brand of joy when we notice a double rainbow in the sky, witness the miracle of birth, appreciate a magnificent work of art, or listen to the birds sing a melodious tune in harmony with one another. That enveloping feeling that we get when we realize how small we are in this vast universe.

Over the years I have read more than my share of parenting books by well-intentioned experts who profess to have the “secret sauce” to parenting. Though I have found many of these books enlightening and sometimes useful, most of these authors take a prescriptive or “how to” approach to raising children — for example, let your child cry it out to learn how to fall asleep on his/her own; put your child in time out to learn how to control his/her inappropriate behavior; don’t help with homework so they can learn how to become independent learners. While some of these “prescriptions” may have some validity in some situations with some children, I take the “how to’s” more as suggestions to try in the appropriate context if I feel they are right for my particular child at a particular time in a particular context.

Since the beginning of civilized society we have valued kindness as a virtue. The importance of teaching our children the Golden Rule as a basic moral principle -- treat others as you want to be treated -- is deeply embedded in our culture and spiritual practices. We encourage children to be compassionate because it's the right thing to do. But are we helping them make the connection between being kind to others and their own happiness and well being?

As parents, we often are urging our kids to focus. “Pay attention…Concentrate… Finish your homework…Don’t be distracted.” So many of us often hear from their teachers that our children have trouble staying on task at school. How can we as parents help?

As I was reading Stephen Cowan, MD’s Fire Child Water Child, a book that Deepak Chopra called “groundbreaking work,” I kept thinking to myself, “I wish Dr. Cowan had been my child’s pediatrician, and wouldn't it have been great if this book was available when I was raising my son.” The perspective that Dr. Cowan presents does indeed break through our commonly held assumption that when it comes to helping children learn and focus “one size fits all.”

I had the opportunity to meet with a group of preschool parents recently to see what topics they might be interested in for parenting workshops. I asked them what they wanted to know more about, what was on their minds as parents and what was keeping them up at night. Since our meeting I’m the one getting up at night, concerned about them. I don’t worry as much about their kids, because as we all know children are resilient. But the fear and anxiety in these mothers’ eyes and postures haunts me in my dreams.

The effects of television on children was the focus of my academic studies as a graduate student at University of Michigan, the research I conducted at Harvard Project Zero, and my work in social research and broadcast standards at ABC Television Network. As a parent, I watched my share of TV with my son, making sure to discuss what we were seeing on the news, helping to interpret the messages from entertainment programs and harnessing them as teachable moments.

Still looking for the instruction manual that you expected to come with your child? You already have it, but don’t know it. “You know more than you think you do,” was the theme of one of the best selling books of all time The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, written by Dr. Benjamin Spock. Millions of parents of “baby boomers” (my generation) relied on Dr. Spock’s book for advice in the late 1940’s, 1950’s and 1960’s. But with all of the “how to’s” from the good doctor himself, his main message to parents was to trust their instincts and have confidence in their own abilities.

Let me introduce myself. I am you. A well-intentioned parent who’s often overwhelmed with the awesome task of raising a child to become a happy, healthy and successful adult. With a little luck, a lot of hard work, many sleepless nights, and a carefully selected community of support, I can proudly say I accomplished that mission with my now 23 year old only child. (Read my parenting story here).